As I continue to blog in honor of National Adoption Awareness month, I'd like to talk a little about attachment.
Remember: I am not an expert. I am an adoptive mom, writing from personal experience.
Attachment is a critical bond and connection between parent and child. In a healthy attachment, the child recognizes the parents as providers and knows that he/she can go to the parents for any need. In a traditional parent/child relationship, this bond is formed very early in life, as the parents seek to meet all of the needs of the child.
So when a family adopts a child older than an infant, there will have to be a conscious effort to create a healthy attachment. The child has probably seen many adults moving in and out during their early years, including a revolving door of caregivers. In their eyes, the introduction of the "parents" just means more caregivers.
These caregivers do seem a little better, in that they're providing more individual attention (and often providing clothes, gifts or other treats).The parents arrive home with the child, and friends & family naturally want to help. But the child needs a constant and consistent demonstration of what a parent is, and these opportunities can facilitate the child attaching to the parents. Even little things are important, like tying a shoe, serving a snack, repairing a broken toy, or taking the child to the bathroom.
And all of this is also an opportunity for the parents to attach to the child. By sacrificially providing for the needs of the child, the parent is building his/her role in the child's life, and creating a specific and special place for the child in his/her life.
We were blessed with a fairly smooth attachment process with William, but we made deliberate efforts to make sure it went as well as possible. Back in March 2008, I wrote
THIS BLOG POST about his attachment. I got a few unfriendly responses from anonymous writers (critics see reluctant to sign their name), and supportive comments and emails from fellow adopters. There are varying opinions, but the fact is that every child is different, and every adopted child has his/her own unique background and history.
If you haven't adopted, this might sound kooky. But if you haven't been there, it's hard to understand. Once again, the best thing to do is to be a good friend and respect the situation. It's not a bad thing to offer to help, and it shows that you care. But don't be offended if the parent declines the assistance (or if they ask you to go grab the casserole out of the oven while
they hold the child, instead of the other way around!).
One of the early celebrations this year was with a few of my childhood friends. I met them when I started public school back in fourth grade, and we've been friends ever since. We got together for dinner and it was so much fun. I think the best part for me was watching William play with the children of my childhood BFF. It's so cool to see things come full circle :) Here's a picture of them from the evening. 
