Bio-Search

I've received a couple of comments, asking who we hired to do our bio-family searches.

We hired a fantastic gentleman who resides in Ukraine, Gene Sagin. He provides thorough and prompt services, and we have been very pleased with both searches he's performed for us.

You can visit his website HERE, or email him HERE. Let him know we sent you!

If you're interested in doing a bio-family search for your Ukrainian born child, we highly recommend Gene!

Q&A

Finally! Here are the questions we received, and our answers. We received a few questions that I chose not to answer. They were not rude or offensive in any way, and I hope my lack of response does not cause offense, but there are some things I'm just not comfortable discussing in a public forum like this.

Just Another Day In Paradise said...
What led you to adopt? Good question! But it’s more like who. Back in 2002, after 4 years of marriage, we felt we were ready to start a family. (Little did we knew, there was a baby boy that had just been born in a country we knew nothing about – our William!). We tried getting pregnant without any luck. I consulted a fertility doctor a couple of times, but neither of us felt like that was the route for us. There were several things that happened over those few years that we know was God preparing our hearts for adoption, including meeting several adoptive families, attending a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, etc. In late 2006, we said it was time to make a decision, one way or the other. We talked with several families that had adopted both domestically and internationally. But it was a meeting with a family at our church that ‘sealed the deal.’ I don’t believe in coincidences or chance meetings. It was all God – if I were to go into all the details, you’d see that the timing of things was intricate and beyond anything of this world.

Why Ukraine? Again, God. We were never insistent on babies or biology. We wanted to be parents, we wanted a family. For quite sometime we would joke “if we can’t have a baby, we’ll adopt from the Ukraine!” We didn’t know where this country was… and we didn’t know that it wasn't “THE” Ukraine :) Not sure why we talked about that country as opposed to others, except that God was obviously already working on our hearts. We did look into other countries, and considered domestic, but Ukraine seemed like the right fit for us. We were okay with the child being older than an infant. We liked the timeline and the financial side of Ukrainian adoption. We liked the fact that it could be done in one trip. And when that one family at church met with us – along with their 3 Ukrainian-born children – we knew where God was leading us.

How long did it take you from "thinking about adoption" to filling out the paperwork? It was several years of God planting seeds. But once we started seriously asking questions, praying, and talking to people, it was just a few weeks.

Think you’ll do it again? Never say never! We are to the point now where we’re beginning to find our groove as a family of four. But I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere down the road, God led us down the path again!


Mama of 2 and Counting... said...
How supportive was your family the first time around? Overall, our family was very supportive – friends, too. One set of parents was shocked & speechless at our announcement. The first question they asked (and a question that many have since asked) was “why don’t you adopt from America?” We talked about our decision, about how we came to it, and about how the bottom line was we felt God’s calling to go to Ukraine. Overall, things went well. We of course got the horror stories. I know most people mean well, but we didn’t just wake up one morning and say “I’m bored – let’s adopt!”

Did you ever just feel exasperated with the lack of support and enthusiasm showed by family and friends? We've received amazing support in both adoptions. No really rude comments to us directly. There are some people whose lack of response surprised me, but really, an experience like this shows you who your true friends are!

It breaks my heart when I hear of families who pursue adoption and receive harsh criticism and rejection from friends, and especially from their own families. But I believe that if you’ve prayed over the decision, if you’ve sought Godly counsel, if you’ve gotten all the facts, if you’re ready for the fact that there will likely be struggles not common to biological children, if you have a peace about your decision, then you don’t need to defend your decision over and over. You can handle the situation with kindness, but ultimately, the decision is between you and God.



Christine said...
Jennifer I love your new header with all the family pictures! Thanks Christine! We miss you guys. It was so great spending time with you in Ukraine. I hope your move is going well, and I hope God will allow our paths to cross again someday.

The McEacherns said...
How is William and Daniel's relationship growing? I'd love to know more about the adding a sibling dynamic, since that's what we're in the process of doing right now! Three months in, things are much better. But we still must be very aware of William’s needs – for affection, for attention, for praise. He’s pretty mature for 8 years old, but he IS 8 years old. They fight occasionally, but my brothers I and fought plenty growing up! They also play great together. We remind William that he is a leader now, and that his brother will want to copy everything he does and says (and this is SO true!). We encourage him to make wise decisions and be a good example. We remind him that when they’re with others, he needs to protect Daniel. Daniel is small and uncoordinated. He doesn’t speak English well and doesn’t really have the social norms that most kids have. So we’ve talked about the importance of not letting other kids push him around or make fun of him. We also try to give William time alone where he can play with his friends without Daniel.

Did you get any info back from your Ukrainian PI?(No need to share every detail, but curious to see if he could hunt down any info in spite of circumstances.) Yes, we did get some information and some bio-family pictures. It was money well spent, and will be helpful when Daniel gets older and has questions. We did the same thing for William back in 2008, and got a lot more information and pictures with his search, including baby pictures. Their stories and circumstances are very different from each other, but that’s the past. It’s good to be aware of things that could affect behavior and development. But both boys are now part of our family - for keeps - and we want to build them up for their futures. I won’t share details because it’s their stories, not mine. But thanks for asking!

Do you feel significantly more worn out as a mom of two? Worn out is an understatement. I’m still struggling to find the balance. It’s tough to work full time and be a mommy full time. But I’m learning to prioritize more. If I do say so myself, Zack and I make a great team. I go to work EARLY so that I can be home around the time that William gets off the bus. So Zack has morning duties. I take care of a lot of the bedtime rituals, and I pack lunches and lay out clothes to help minimize the chaos for Zack. The boys are also starting to take on little chores. William helps take out the trash, makes beds, cleans his room and sometimes the bathroom, and is learning to load and run the dishwasher. Daniel makes his bed, cleans his rooms, helps clear the dinner table, helps cook dinner (sometimes this makes it take longer, but that's okay!), and takes the napkins to the laundry room after dinner. We keep things moving and work together, and that really helps.

QmR80 said...
How do you make time as a couple? We've found that the most challenging aspect of being parents. We’re still figuring this one out! Daniel's attachment has taken a bit more effort than William's did, so we've had to stick close these first few months. In fact, we had our first evening out without kids this past weekend, when we got to attend a very special friend's birthday party :)

We try to stick to an early bedtime. When possible I start bedtime around 7:30 to give time for books, etc. They both need the rest, and it gives us some time each night to just be together without a child running around. And now that we're making some significant progress in our family unit/connections, we hope to start going out as a couple a bit more often than every 3 months!After almost 3 years of parenting, I’m still a newbie. But I am learning how to balance, how to prioritize, how to juggle. I’ve learned that I’ve got to keep myself healthy in order to be the best wife & mom I can be for my fellas. I'm still learning, and still have a long way to go, but by far my 2 favorite responsibilities are that of Wife and Mom!
John in Chicago said...
You post a lot of things about down syndrome adoptions and how people should take notice - for your second child, why did you not find "special" person to adopt? Great question, John! I was sort of expecting this one. Much of our answer involves things that are private and I am not at liberty to share here. But I can tell you that we talked about and prayed over whether we should pursue a specific special needs child or adopt an unknown child. We researched the medical conditions of a couple of specific children, but in the end we felt God calling us back to a “blind” (unknown child) adoption. We had to look at our current family situation; recognize the capacity necessary to knowingly and voluntarily bring a child into our home that would need specialized care, therapy, education, medical attention, etc; consider our current insurance coverage and what it covers (unfortunately, it leaves a lot of gaps); consider the house we live in, and whether or not it would be appropriate for certain special needs. And we had to recognize that at present, we are not able to provide for some of those needs at this time. We CAN help these children and care for these orphans by advocating for them, and so that is our role for now.

Jefferson Hunt said...
I just stopped by to visit and found this. We adopted, apparently, much older than you two. Have you seen fears in your children that make you wonder what made them afraid or how do you now deal with the fear you don't know the origins of? Thankfully, we haven't experienced any real fears. However, I think Halloween may be interesting, because all of the decorations seem to scare Daniel - even scarecrows! He does not like most of what is display at our local grocery store or Wal*Mart.

Do you want to maintain you children's birth heritage at all? Your family is very handsome, by the way. We make it no secret that our boys were born in Eastern Europe. They know it, and just about everyone connected to them knows it. We talk about their country openly, and that they are both Ukrainian and American. We have books about Ukraine, and many things around our house are from Ukraine. We fly a Ukrainian flag over the boys' backyard playground! We are ready to share with them as much as they'd like to know, and will allow them to embrace their heritage in whatever way they choose.

Taking William to Ukraine with us this summer was a great way to keep him connected to his background. He enjoyed seeing the sites, eating the food, and hearing the language. He also got a real picture of the living conditions the majority of people deal with, the pollution of his hometown, the work that most people do to make ends meet. He got to meet older children that aged out of the orphanage, and we talked about life is like for many teens like them.

Thanks for all the great questions!