When it comes to bedtime, our boys can stall like the best of them, and you can recognize it from a mile away, particularly with Daniel.
But I know that what happened Sunday night was not about stalling.
Daniel and I were in the bathroom for a sip of water. He sat his water cup down and smiled at me. He said "when I was at detsky dom (orphanage), I never saw Daddy and Mommy. But now I see my Mommy and Daddy every day!" And he literally jumped up into my arms and hugged me so tightly.
I told him once again how we prayed for God to show us our child, and that God led us to him, and we got to the detsky dom as quickly as we could. And I reminded him that no matter what happens in life, we are family and we stay together.
He smiled and gave me another squeeze and a kiss, then said "I love my family." And he calmly (yes, Daniel did something calmly!) got into bed.
With each passing day, he is becoming more and more sure of things.
One year ago today, we received Daniel's citizenship certificate in the mail.
One year ago, I was overwhelmed with worry, asking God to show me how to parent this little guy. He was resistant to our affections, to our discipline, to English, to every food placed in front of him, to anything new or unfamiliar.
A year later, I'm overwhelmed with love for this little guy.
We sat at the table yesterday as he did homework for the very first time (he was so excited!). He had to draw pictures of 2 items in his house that were circles. He chose to draw an apple and a clock. I then wrote the words on another piece of paper and encouraged him to write them on his paper. He sat with such determination, and quickly & confidently called off the name of each letter as he wrote it with ease.
August 15, 2011
A year later, he's a big kindergartner, speaking fluent English, constantly following his big brother, continually coming to us for hugs and kisses, eating well and growing, learning to read and write, talking about how awesome God is, and repeatedly telling us that He loves us.
I'm thankful that when God led us to this little ball of energy and enthusiasm, we stepped out in faith and said yes. We could have said no, and life might have been easier if we had. But we would have missed out on so much. I can't imagine life without our gremlin. A child who is always smiling and who goes about life filled with joy. A child God has used to teach us countless lessons about our relationship with our Heavenly Father. A child who is fearfully and wonderfully made.
What's stopping you? What's keeping you from saying yes?
May orphan care not be this generation's trendy cause,
One year ago today, after a very long court hearing where the judge read our entire dossier, we were allowed to legally add a little guy in Mariupol to our family as our second child.
A boy who would rock. our. world. Daniel, aka Gremlin, aka our little spark plug, aka the Tazmanian Devil. His life would never be the same. And neither would ours!
God moved mountains to bring this little man into our lives. He softened hearts and did the impossible. So many details fell into place during the journey that by human interpretation simply don't make sense.
But God's work doesn't always fit into our finite minds, or even into our plans. He is much greater, and so is His plan for us!
Today, we celebrate one less. Yes, we still had the 10 day wait ahead of us. But it was one less step in the adoption journey, and one less orphan in the world.
On June 28, 2010, we had our last visit with "Elvis" (in case you weren't around back then, that was our nickname for him) before having court.
On this particular day, he had a little preschool Fisher Price telephone with him. It was old and beat up, but he wouldn't let it go. A couple of my most cherished pictures from our time in Ukraine last year came from this particular day: shots of him & William walking down the sidewalk at the orphanage, the phone being pulled behind them.
He had no possessions of his own. He'd claimed this broken toy for the day, knowing that once he returned it, it would again become community property.
He had no clothes of his own. All the clothing was marked boldly with his groupa number. What was his shirt one day would be another child's a few days later.
He had no one who told him not to pick up and eat food that had been dropped on the ground.
And when it came time to eat, he knew nothing of sitting at a table with family and eating until he was full, at his own pace (which is now VERY slow!).
Before our time with him began, no one visited him. He had no one that brought him special gifts or gave him special attention.
One year ago today, we met our little man. We were sitting in the director's office and had just received every bit of information she had on him. She made a quick call, and within a couple of minutes one of the care givers walked in with a very shy, very tiny little boy. He walked across the room, staring at the floor, and stopped in front of me. He looked up, gave a half smile, and quietly asked "Как вас зовут?" (what is your name).
I think that was the last time he ever showed any shyness around us.
We went outside and played, and shared some treats. And we verbally expressed our desire to add this little one into our family.
About eight months ago, I wrote a post (HERE) about Daniel's progress after being home for two weeks.
In that post, I included a link to a short video clip, and a list of 36 words & phrases he knew.
And reading that post, it sounded like things were going pretty well. But to be honest, we were in a battle. A battle to show him what family is. A battle to show him what love is. A battle to break his will without breaking his spirit.
Some days we still battle. But then again, we've come so far. All of us. I looked back at that post from 8 months ago and was reminded of how far we have come.
He understands us. He seems to really like us. He's playing better with others. He is beginning to express sympathy and gratitude. He seeks to be included. He loves to help.
From just 36 words and phrases, to now speaking in complete sentences - sentences that he puts together himself. Not always structurally sound, but he gets his point across! In fact, the boy talks non-stop. He talks from the second he wakes until the moment his eyes [finally] close. As a matter of fact, he even talks in his sleep. And for the past few months, all of his sleep talk has been in English!
Last night, as Daniel prayed, among prayers of thankfulness for food and toys and family, we also heard, "Thank you for God, I like you God." Melted my heart.
We are so thankful for the progress he's making, and thankful for the many valuable lessons God is teaching us through him.
I haven't forgotten about the Q&A post, and promise to get to it soon. We received lots of good questions that I look forward to answering (if you still want to submit a question, go HERE).
I intended to blog on Thursday, as it was officially 3 months since we arrived in Georgia as a family of four. But Thursdays are busy around our house, so it just didn't happen. Then came the weekend, and it was non-stop.
But I do think it's probably about time for an update on both boys, so here goes...
WILLIAM
Our growing-up-too-fast 8-year-old is really a good big brother. He gets irritated with Daniel at times, but that's totally understandable. The thing is, when I see him lose his cool with his little shadow, I see myself. I realize I don't model the best behaviors at all times. Definitely some homework for me :) I know it's frustrating for him to have someone who follows him everywhere he goes and copies everything he does. And I know he's still struggling with sharing Daddy & Mommy, particularly since Daniel has needed a lot of attention since coming home. But things are starting to settle and we continue to try & make sure William gets his own special attention as well.
He is getting so tall. I seriously think he might catch up to me (Jenn) in the next couple of years.
William had strep throat a couple of weeks ago.This is definitely the sickest we've ever seen him, but thankfully he's feeling 100% now.
He continues to enjoy soccer, although I think it's a little different for him this year. In the past, it's been a lot of fun. But he's up an age level now and playing with some kids that are nearly 2 years older than he - and it's a lot more serious and a lot more work than before. I guess this is where we figure out if he REALLY likes soccer or not!
He is doing extremely well in school. He is getting almost all A's & 1 B - in grammar. We were thrilled, and we're so proud of him. He loves going to church and is all abot being outside riding his bike, scooters, or just running. I seriously think we have a future track star!
He seems to always have a girl or two following him around. And he doesn't seem to mind the attention. He was in the backyard the other day with Daniel. He casually said, "I wish there were some girls here to chase me." I asked why, and he said, "because I like for the girls to chase me." We are in TROUBLE!
DANIEL
My mother-in-law had knee surgery last week. The week before, she mentioned how she couldn't wait to get her knee fixed so she could keep up with Daniel. I told her I have 2 good knees, and I can't keep up with that boy. He is non-stop. He is reluctant to close his eyes at night, for fear he might miss something while he's sleeping. And the second those eyes open in the morning, the mouth is moving and so are the legs.
Like William - and like most children, I suspect - Daniel does best with structure. He's still getting used to school. His business has gotten him into trouble a couple of times, but it's nothing we can't work through. Expectations are important, and I try to remember that.
He made me laugh last week while we were at soccer practice. It was a bit cool outside, and he told me the fan made his face cold... so we then talked about the word "wind"!
He's grown almost an inch, but hasn't put on much weight yet. He has a great appetite, but his metabolism has got to be at turbo speed, as active as he is. I don't think he's going to be in the Guiness Book for world's tallest man, but that's okay!
He tests the limits of everything. We've never had a toddler, but I think we've now had the toddler experience. He has to touch everything. He'll sometimes touch something, knowing he's not supposed to, and then look to see what we're going to do about it. We bought him a shirt that says "Trouble is my middle name" - a perfect shirt for this boy.
He thrives on verbal affirmation. He loves to help me in the kitchen. He will eat most anything we put in front of him, but prefers hot dogs and any type of sausage (bratwurst, kielbasa, you name it). He surprises us on an almost daily basis with the words he's learning.
His vocabulary continues to expand. He was building with magnetix the other day, and said "Look Mommy - 2 triangles!" I was extremely excited to hear this: a great attempt at putting together his own English sentence, counting objects, and recognizing a shape that we haven't worked on much at home yet (yay for preschool!).
One of our Norwegian friends attempted to teach us a Norwegian game last weekend (similar to one that Zack & I played growing up). None of us was very good at it, but it has proved to be helpful in working on new English words. Here's a video of Daniel attempting to play the game early Saturday morning...
We had a busy but fun weekend. Lots of firsts for Daniel, and a couple for William as well.
Saturday was Zack's birthday. It started with a trip to the Suwanee Day parade: Daniel's first parade, and the first time William and I had ever been to this particular parade. It was fun, but Suwanee's got nothing on the Duluth parade. William was not too impressed.
After the parade we went to William's soccer game, then grabbed some lunch. Then it was back home to watch some football.
After a disappointing ending for our team, we took the boys to Toys r Us. This was Daniel's first time at a toy store, and he had a gift card to spend which meant it was his first time to buy something! He did great. We didn't spend a lot of time there because this store overwhelms me so I knew it could be a bit much for him. But we directed him to some things we thought he'd like. He walked away with Buzz & Woody action figures and a cool monster truck. He was so proud as he walked out with his bag. (We went to Wal-mart after that, and we laughed as we were walking in, because we realized he was still holding tight to his receipt!)
Sunday morning we took the boys to Waffle House (Daniel's first time there, and he thought it was great!). Then we hopped on the MARTA train (Daniel's first rapid transit experience) and headed to the Georgia Dome. It was the Atlanta Falcons' home opener, and the first NFL game for both boys. They had lots of fun and made it through the first half of the game. We knew we were pushing our luck to try much more than that, especially given the fact that our seats were 4 rows from the top. And there wasn't an empty seat in our section, so a certain little 5-year-old was probably getting on the nerves of some fans with his inability to sit in his chair without kicking, getting folded down into the chair, elbowing, jumping up, etc. But it was a great time for everyone, and the Falcons won big!
And here's the biggest first for Daniel...
After the game, we went and picked up Daniel's glasses. It's probably the first time he's ever REALLY been able to see. I will admit that I got teary-eyed when we walked out to the parking lot and he looked around & smiled. Zack laughed at me, but I was just overcome with the thought of where this little man was 2 short months ago and where he is now. We're praying that these glasses will be the extra boost he needs to focus better (literally and otherwise).
I think sometimes God likes to show off, don't you?
There is one song that, for the past year, has provided me so much encouragement: Our God (Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman). This song always seems to 'pop up' at all the right times, and its lyrics are a great reminder of the One who holds everything in His hands.
The last Sunday at our church before leaving for Ukraine, it was one of the songs in our worship service. I felt like God was reminding us that He was with us as we set out for Ukraine.
As I was getting ready for our SDA appointment and just about to wake Zack & William, I was listening to the iPod through speakers. The iPod was set to random, and this song came on. I stopped what I was doing and just praised God for what He was doing in the life of our family.
No adoption is without its bumps, and we experienced some uneasy moments while in country. I was sitting in the hallway of one particularly scary government building. Zack & William were asked to wait in the car, and our facilitator was meeting with some officials. It was an incredibly dark hallway and I was alone (except for a few Russian-speaking people scattered around), and had been instructed not to talk to anyone. I sat and waited, praying for our court paperwork to be accepted. I began singing this song to myself (silently of course - didn't want to be the crazy English speaker in what was a frightening situation). Moments later, "L" emerged with good news.
This song was playing in my head during our first night in Kyiv with Daniel. We were experiencing a rough start to being a family of four, but God was trying to remind me that He is bigger than any challenge that comes our way.
Fast forward to last week. We were in the car, probably on the way to soccer, and this song came on the radio. Zack and I were talking, when I suddenly realized what I was hearing from the back seat. It was that little high-pitched 5-year-old voice, singing "Our God, Our God."
Another night, I was putting Daniel to bed and we were going through our usual musical repertoire: Zaccheus, Jesus Loves Me, Seek Ye First, and the I Love You Daniel song. The radio was on in the background and suddenly he sat up and exclaimed "I like song" and proceeded to once again sing "Our God, Our God."
And as I wrapped up this post, guess what song is playing on my radio? :)
God, thank you for gentle reminders that You are in control.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against? Yes, our God is greater!! Our God is stronger!!
Since coming home with our newest little blessing, we've gotten lots of smiles and nods and "We're praying for you" from friends & family. We appreciate the sentiments, and definitely appreciate the prayers!
But if you haven't walked in our shoes, you can't fully understand what we've experienced or are experiencing. We can try to explain it, but words don't do justice to the reality of it all. (I can say this because as prepared as we thought we were for each adoption, reality made us realize we weren't!)
That's why it is so refreshing and encouraging to connect with others who have experienced the day-in-day-out trials and triumphs of non-infant adoption.
I'm extremely thankful that we got to connect with other families while we were in Ukraine this time around. We didn't really get that the first time around. But as I've said so many times, God knows what we need, when we need it.
I'm especially thankful for the Loraine family. We met them on our first day in Ukraine back in June. We had ice cream with them the day before we left Kyiv to travel to Daniel's city. And we had dinner with them twice before coming home. They saw our pre-Daniel excitement, and our post-Daniel exhaustion. They know us in a way that few do!
So it was great to get to talk to Erin this past weekend. We chatted for probably an hour & a half, and could have gone on for hours longer I'm sure. We compared stories and kept it real. Erin is such an encouragement to me - someone I can be honest with about our struggles, and someone who will truly celebrate with me in our victories, however big or small. I pray that I do the same for her!
God knows what - and who - we need, at exactly the right time. I'm so thankful for our special adoption friends!
Larry & Erin, we thank God for both of you!!
Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Philippians 1:3
Everywhere we go these days, people ask how we're doing. How the transition is going. How everyone is adjusting. We typically give the same answer: 'We're doing pretty well, and things are getting better each day.'
And that answer is true. But there is a lot behind that answer.
I was writing an email to a friend yesterday who asked how we're all doing. I told her a little about Daniel's progress. And I told her a little about William's progress.
I didn't say anything about Zack and me. What I started to say was this:
As for us, we're doing okay. Honestly, our transition has been hard, too. I think it's because we're having to work harder on creating a positive parent/child attachment (harder than we had to with William), and he's not always ready & willing to accept us.
But as I typed & then re-read that, tears came to my eyes. I was awakened to God's desires for us. He loves us. He wants us to love Him. He wants us to become securely attached to Him. He wants us to know He's always there and will always provide for our needs. It takes us a long time to come to a full realization of those truths. But He doesn't give up on us. He remains steadfast. He doesn't change. We might wander away. But when we come back, our Heavenly Daddy is there, waiting with open arms.
That's the kind of parent I want to be, the kind of parent I need to be for both of my boys.
I'll admit, it's hard. I get discouraged. Rejection hurts. But this revelation has opened my eyes. And I try to remember that these kiddos have been through way more than we might ever know, and way more than anyone should ever have to endure.
I don't like to put too much out on a public forum like this blog. I don't know everyone that reads our blog, and some things are private and not for public consumption.
But I also know that there are a lot of families that read this blog as they're preparing for their own adoption journeys. I feel it's important to be honest and not just paint a picture that makes everything look perfect. It's not, and we're not. But we're learning to live as a family of four, and learning to love this newest little one who deserves better than he got his first five years.
Please be in prayer for us as we seek to be consistent in our love for him and create an environment that makes him feel safe and loved, by us and by our heavenly father.
When we met Daniel, we were given a list of medical issues (all fairly minor) that he reportedly had.
We've since been to the pediatrician, the dentist, and the ENT specialist. So far, everything is looking much better than we expected - praise God! His "problematic adenoids" are actually in perfect shape. And his heart murmur is tiny & innocent, just like mine! He did test positive for a parasite (not surprising, as it seems the majority of Ukie kids come home with one). So he's on medicine for that, but that's small potatoes compared to everything else that could have been ahead for him.
Adoptive parents, I know it's not fun to collect the samples in order to test for parasites, but JUST DO IT! Maybe you'll luck out and the results will be negative. But it's better to get your child(ren) tested up front so you can rule these out and/or get them knocked out quickly.
His teeth also looked great, no problems at all. So far, so good!
We still have to visit the opthamologist for his vision problems - we have that appointment coming up in a couple of weeks. We know that the vision issues are real. So we are anxious to get a full report & get him fitted with glasses that are the right prescription... and a more flattering style!
We thank God for overall good health so far, and we pray that He'll continue to strengthen Daniel's body and allow him to grow big & strong.
We are starting to gain a sense of what our new normal is.
Zack returned to work 2 weeks ago, and I started back last week. William started second grade last week as well. Daniel spends time with Zack's parents while we're both working.
And we've officially enrolled Daniel in pre-K. He'll start that just after Labor Day. And he'll have the same pre-K teacher that William had when he first arrived home. We had thought we'd wait until January to start preschool. But he is doing well with everything and the kicker was how well he does in his class at church. So we figured this will be good for him: for his social skills, language, etc.
Daniel LOVES being in the water. We went to my brother's house last weekend to hang out with his family. They have an inground pool (saltwater!!) and we were curious to see how Daniel would do. We put water wings on him, and for the first 20 or 30 minutes he was stuck to Zack. But we soon convinced him that he was safe, and he had a blast. He was jumping off the side, begging Zack to throw him, and just enjoying kicking around the pool.
This past weekend, Daniel was introduced to what has come to be known as 'the little house' - our place on the lake. That meant more fun in the water, and more fun with family! He did great on our first weekend away from home, and we look forward to going back soon. By Sunday afternoon, he was exhausted from all the excitement.
When we took custody of Daniel, he was in desperate need of a haircut. The chicken pox kept us from being able to take him out to get it cut, so Zack did it - and did a very good job, too! While we were at the lake, we decided to take the boys for haircuts. Daniel's first 'real' haircut - he was such a good boy, but honestly, Zack does a much better job. It looks okay from the front, but the back is kind of a mess.
A couple of shots of the boys doing their jumps into the pool at the lake...
Interpol clearance is basically like an international background check. And the rules are simple: no interpol, no court.
We were on a tight time table. We were scheduled for court on Tuesday. Monday was a holiday. So we had to have our interpol by Friday in order to have court as scheduled.
Well, it had been more than enough time for ours to have come back. But as of Thursday, nada. So Thursday night, I was worrying (yeah, I should just trust, but this is unfortunately a recurring theme for me).
Friday morning, our facilitator, "S", called to say she'd received word that our interpol was ready, and could be picked up in the afternoon. "L" planned to pick it up from the SDA afternoon. We thanked God. Once again, He provided right when we needed it.
And as we thanked Him, we were reminded of the gates in front of the SDA, and of Isaiah 45:2. Our God is stronger than any iron bars!
I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars.
Isaiah 45:2
A little side note... Friday afternoon, "L" called. She was out of breath. She sounded flustered. She told me she'd gone to the SDA to pick up our interpol clearance, but it wasn't ready. She explained that it wouldn't be ready for another 2 - 3 MONTHS. I was speechless. I was furious. I told Zack, and he almost threw up. Then "L" started laughing & told me she was joking. If I could have reached through the phone to strangle her, I just might have done it!
Okay, so it's been a little longer than 2 weeks, but anyway, I thought I'd let you all know how things are going so far...
Daniel is starting to settle in and get comfortable.
He's sleeping 10 - 11 hours a night, and sometimes takes a 1 hour nap. And he LOVES the top bunk!
He can count to 10.
He understands and follows simple instructions.
He tells us - repeatedly - that he doesn't speak Russian. He tell us this in Russian, so it's quite comical. But in the past 24 hours (non-stop, I might add), he's been running around the house saying "I speank Engalish" (see video here: http://yfrog.us/69xxiz)
He went to the dentist. He was an angel, and thankfully, had no cavities! He was very excited about his new toothbrush. He's going to the pediatrician this coming week.
He and William are starting to play better together.
He loves playing in the sprinkler or going to the interactive fountains at the park.
He enjoys it when William reads to him.
He loves Daddy's shoes.
He was excited to get to feed ducks and fish at the lake.
He's getting more comfortable with us holding him, wrapping our arms around him, cuddling with him, etc.
And he's become a HUGE McDonalds fan (much to William's delight!).
And here are some of his current English words & phrases (and his pronunciation)... Hi (hi)
Bye-bye (bye-bye)
Please (please)
Thank you (tank you)
Dear God (Dear Guy)
Thank you for our food (thanky fuhluh foo) Help me be a good boy (hep me goo boy)
Now that we're back and beginning to get settled, I'm trying to process all that happened on our trip. From time to time, I'll try to share some of our experiences and stories.
Today, I'd like to tell a little story about going to get the court decree...
We were told the court decree would be ready on Friday morning, July 9th. "L", our facilitator, checked more than once to verify this fact.
So we left our apartment around 7:45 to get to the courthouse when it opened at 8:00. At 8:05, "L" and I walked into the building. We went upstairs to one room. The lady there told us to go to another room. The lady in that room informed us that the judge was not in, but the decree was ready. She instructed us to go downstairs to Room 20 to retrieve our paperwork.
We walked down to the room. It was probably 10 x 20. One wall was solid windows. The other 3 were floor-to-ceiling book cases, stacked high with piles of papers and binders. The room contained 3 rickety desks. And the remainder of the floor was riddled with stacks of papers, each about 2 feet high.
One lady sat in the room, with a miserable scowl on her face. "L" asked for the court decree and Scowling Lady told us it wouldn't be ready until July 15. I think my jaw dropped. "L" explained that they were ready now, and somewhere in this room (at least, I think that's what she was saying). Scowling Lady didn't seem to agree.
I began to worry, and maybe panicked a little. So I prayed. I asked God to help us. Okay, I begged.
Scowling Lady began reluctantly looking at papers. Two other women made their way into the room and sat at their desks. "L" would periodically say something to Scowling Lady, who would mumble back at her.
Then, I changed how I was praying. I spoke to God, saying I knew with confidence He had already handled this situation, and I thanked Him in Jesus' name for what was about to happen.
At that EXACT moment (8:17 AM), one of the other ladies in the room stood up, walked over, and handed Scowling Lady our court decree - 10 official copies.
We thanked her, checked over everything, and left to continue our paper chase.
Why did I worry? Why was I anxious? Because I was trying to take control. But all along, God was in control. He always is.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Sorry we haven't been blogging much. We're all trying to get into the swing of things as a family of four, and it's been an adjustment. That's not to say it's been really bad or anything, just different and we're all learning.
Daniel is learning and growing in many ways. He's counting to 8 in English, picking up new words each day, and understanding a lot of what we're saying. We give him little tasks throughout the day (throw this in the trash, take your shoes to your room, etc.) and he's learning a lot that way as well.
He loves sleeping in his bed, playing with his big brother, trying all kinds of new foods, listening & dancing to music (especially Toby Mac), riding in the power wheel jeep with William, and working with play-do.
Please continue to pray for us as we work to teach Daniel what it means to be part of a family. This is all so very new to him, but we think he's starting to catch on!
We made it home safely yesterday, and Daniel Aaron Dove is now a US Citizen!
Sorry, no pics yet, but wanted to at least share his name with everyone.
In celebration of our homecoming and to help our dear friends as they prepare to meet their daughter in Ukraine, please visit THIS BLOGand bid on the matryoshka set (Ukrainian stacking dolls) that we bought for their auction blog. I'd love for this to be their best auction item yet in honor of Daniel joining our family, and in a show of support for the Ankerich family.
Thanks for everyone's comments, prayers, and support. Please keep it up - we are home, but now the next journey begins!
Will post more later, once we're settled, rested, and a little more into a routine!
