Getting Real

Everywhere we go these days, people ask how we're doing. How the transition is going. How everyone is adjusting. We typically give the same answer: 'We're doing pretty well, and things are getting better each day.'

And that answer is true. But there is a lot behind that answer.

I was writing an email to a friend yesterday who asked how we're all doing. I told her a little about Daniel's progress. And I told her a little about William's progress.

I didn't say anything about Zack and me. What I started to say was this:

As for us, we're doing okay. Honestly, our transition has been hard, too. I think it's because we're having to work harder on creating a positive parent/child attachment (harder than we had to with William), and he's not always ready & willing to accept us.

But as I typed & then re-read that, tears came to my eyes. I was awakened to God's desires for us. He loves us. He wants us to love Him. He wants us to become securely attached to Him. He wants us to know He's always there and will always provide for our needs. It takes us a long time to come to a full realization of those truths. But He doesn't give up on us. He remains steadfast. He doesn't change. We might wander away. But when we come back, our Heavenly Daddy is there, waiting with open arms.

That's the kind of parent I want to be, the kind of parent I need to be for both of my boys.

I'll admit, it's hard. I get discouraged. Rejection hurts. But this revelation has opened my eyes. And I try to remember that these kiddos have been through way more than we might ever know, and way more than anyone should ever have to endure.

I don't like to put too much out on a public forum like this blog. I don't know everyone that reads our blog, and some things are private and not for public consumption.

But I also know that there are a lot of families that read this blog as they're preparing for their own adoption journeys. I feel it's important to be honest and not just paint a picture that makes everything look perfect. It's not, and we're not. But we're learning to live as a family of four, and learning to love this newest little one who deserves better than he got his first five years.

Please be in prayer for us as we seek to be consistent in our love for him and create an environment that makes him feel safe and loved, by us and by our heavenly father.